I'm All Alone

Anna went back to school today.

I kind of missed her.  I kept turning around in the car wondering why it was so quiet.  One time, I even opened the door to get her out.

But I do look forward to going to the grocery store tomorrow...by myself!

A few hours of peace everyday.  Weird.

And our afternoons of shoe shopping and lunch dates...awesome!

I will never forget.

As the days inch closer to the 10th anniversary of 9/11, my mind has been going back to that day...

I drove Rob to work that morning around 8 am.  I gathered up Tyler, 19 months at the time, and put him in the car for the drive across town.  As we walked out of the apartment (just a few blocks from where we lived now), I remarked about how beautiful it was outside while noticing the blue cloudless sky as an airplane flew over head, heading to Dulles airport.

Once we were home, I turned on the tv (which at that time in my life was out of the ordinary--not so much now, though) to Good Morning America just as the first airplane hit the World Trade Center tower.  I watched in shock.  Did that really just happen?  I immediately called Rob.  "An airplane hit the World Trade Center."  He didn't seem too shocked.  Having lived in Manhattan for 2 years as an LDS missionary, he thought I meant a small airplane came close to a skyscraper.  But watching it live, you just knew that something awful had happened.  When the airplane hit the Pentagon, I felt like I couldn't breath.  This was all happening a little too close to home.  It wasn't too long after that that I was not able to even call my husband because all of the phone lines went down.  And I sat there on the couch, glued to the tv, holding my son as tight as I could for what seemed like days.  Crying.

I wondered what the effect of this would have on me and my family.  I wondered what this would feel like 10 years later.  I wondered if my children would ever really understand this incredible event.

I was watching a news report this morning with interviews of random people and how their lives are different since 9/11.
I don't know if the events of 9/11 have necessarily changed the outcome of where my life is now, ten years later.  I still would have had 3 more children.  We still would have moved to the homes that we did.  We still would have stayed active in our church.  I still would be a stay at home mom.  Rob would still work for the same company. 9/11 or not.

But obviously it has changed me in many ways.

I'm more grateful to the loved ones that I have in my life.  I appreciate more that they are with me.

I'm more sensitive to saying things like "I'm so blessed that we are all ok" or "it's a miracle that he lived"  because so many people were not "so blessed" or did not receive that miracle.  I think it jaded me a little bit and tested my faith.

I came out with a better understanding that God does not control us or the choices of others.  That man is responsible for his own actions.  And sometimes (often times), we suffer the consequences of others choices.  Innocent people, even children suffer at no fault of their own.  God can help us with that, though.  He can help us to not be bitter or hateful or to feel hopeless or alone.

I'm more patient to those around me that I don't know.  Every person has a story.  Every person is loved by someone.  Who am I to judge them by a quick glimpse into their life at the check out counter or behind the steering wheel.

I'm more concentious to what my children need to know and what they should know.  I want them to feel safe, but I don't want them to be naive.  I'm cautious as to what they see on tv or hear in the news.  I remember how watching those events on tv made me feel.  I don't think children need to or should feel that way.  So we rarely watch the news in our home.

This past weekend, we took visited the Pentagon Memorial with our children.  Obviously, they will not remember the events from 10 years ago, they were not born yet (or too young know what was happening). But we want them to understand.  I think they do.

No tears.

I didn't even shed one tear this year.

Not even when Tyler left for his first day of middle school. 

I think all of the bickering from the past week made it a little easier on me.

But I will anxiously await for their return home so I can hear all about their first day, hoping all day that they are doing well.

I'm going to have to keep myself busy today or it's going to be a long day.

Is it 3 o'clock yet?

Summertime

We had such a great summer!

We played our days away at the pools, ran around Kings Dominion, pushed ourselves on bike rides, hiked around national and state parks, visited lots of family, explored all over Utah, experienced out first earthquake, ate one too many cupcakes, kayaked together,...

We barely took time out to practice our handwriting or piano.  I think we might have pulled up the multiplication table app--once! We did manage to read a few books, but never made it to the library.  Yard work and gardens fell by the wayside.  The carpets are stained with dirt from running in and out of the house and the house needs a good scrub down from lack of cleaning. 

We just played, played and played some more.
It was an exhausting summer, but so so much fun.

That was all up to two weeks ago.

Today, I'm ready.  Ready for a nap.

Tomorrow, Tyler starts middle school.  And he is so excited about it.  A little nervous, but mostly excited.
Jared will begin 4th grade with a much smaller class size and lots of opportunities for the attention that he needs and deserves.
Evan wants nothing to do with 1st grade or school in general.  I'm hoping that he'll be able to hold it together and at least be nice to his teacher.
Anna starts preschool next week and she is so excited about seeing all of her friends at her school.

My plans for the day Anna starts school (September 12th)?--NOTHING!  I'm giving myself one day to just be lazy, to stay in my pjs and take a break.  And maybe even take an afternoon nap!  Just one day. 

After one day, I'm sure I'll be bored and wishing I had my children around to go on some more adventures!

Back to school is so bitter sweet.